To Match My Mood...

elizabeth 023
Originally uploaded by Elizabeth in Bolivia.

I`m feeling a little gray, today... the weather matches my mood. Yesterday, I left La Casa de Esperanza early because I wasn`t feeling well. I traveled home by myself (it`s empowering to flag down a bus and know my way around the city) and laid in bed for 6 hours. I hardly slept, and my mind drifted from various thoughts. Some happy, some confusing, some frustrated. Erica and Jenna trudged through the incredible hail and rain to deliver 3 hand-written letters to me. God`s timing is so impeccable.

It is quite an experience to be sick in Bolivia. My B-family was sooo concerned that I wasn`t feeling well. They respected my need to rest, and also brought me dinner-in-bed (a bowl of delicious chicken/potato soup) and several cups of tea. When I told them I wanted to walk to Cara`s house for movie night, they almost didn`t let me go. I`m pretty sure Patricia called the doctor to ask about my sore throat... I insisted that my jacket was dry to wear, but she didn`t believe me, so she gave me hers - giant, bulky, and tan... and incredibly warm. I zipped it up to my chin and then she proceeded to button the bottom two buttons. Then Shirley wrapped a scarf around my neck the `proper` way, because apparantly I still had too much of my throat exposed when I did it. Felix watched me put on my gloves, fleece hat, and boots to make sure I was completely covered. Then, when I was finally all bundled up, they sat me down to drink a mug of hot tea with lemon. Since my real family couldn`t be there to dote on me, I was thankful for the special treatment, even though I looked ridiculous. I was sweating by the time I walked one block to Cara`s house. (Quite possibly the only time I`ve ever sweat since being here.)

I spent the morning in La Paz taking Tango dance lessons, which cost less than a dollar for 2 hours. It was a wonderful experience, and now I`m craving a quiet evening to myself. I`m going to opt out of the Bible Study at my house and have some quiet time of my own... in English. Last week I was frustrated at my inability to participate fully beyond the singing of songs.

I tried the `wonderful` invention of Skype and got to talk to Chrislyn for 5 minutes, and then my microphone stopped working. I cried in the internet cafe, silently wiping my tears. I adjusted all the computer settings to allow me to talk some more, but to no avail. I`m craving a long conversation from home where I can hear familiar voices.

One month down... I`m used to returning home after being gone for a month, so it`s a strange feeling to not be packing my bags right now and anticipating some `welcome home hugs.` Three to go...

The same two little boys approached me in the Internet Cafe, tapping me on the shoulder saying ¨Seniora.¨ I felt completely helpless because I didn´t know what I could do for them at that point. I prayed I would see them when I finished my time on e-mail, so I could buy them something at the store. My eyes darted up and down the streets, but they were nowhere to be found. I wonder if I portrayed Jesus to them... ??? I didn´t do anything but smile and look confused. Last week at Bible study, we talked about the cost of obedience, and I wonder if I was obedient.

I think I`m feeling extra emotional because I´m sick and frustrated that my phone date with mom and dad didn´t include the phone because it stopped working.

Jesus, please encourage me tonight with some solid time with you... where I can cry and not feel like I have to wipe away my tears, where I can ask ¨why?¨ and be content without answers, where I can be silent and listen for your voice.