Monday, April 13, 2009

a funky week

Things are better now, but a few weeks ago, things felt funky/off/different/whatever you want to call it.

I first felt it on a Sunday night and dreaded going to work the next morning.
Sure enough, Monday morning felt like a Monday. And so did Tuesday. And Wednesday. And each subsequent day.

I didn't feel like myself. I lacked motivation and discipline. My job didn't excite me. My one on ones felt dull and lifeless. I ran out of questions to ask and things to talk about. The ones that usually run long ran 1/2 hour short. My mom even commented on my lack of drive as 'abnormal' so I knew it wasn't just me or a bad day.

Paul encouraged me to seek the Lord and reflect on what was making my days so difficult.

And so I cried out. And literally cried.
I realized I wasn't feeling fulfilled. I felt stuck, purposeless, and just. plain. tired. I thought of Bolivia - a place where I experienced similar emotions halfway through my time there, and yet I was absolutely convinced I was exactly where God wanted me to be. Right smack dab in the middle of His will for my life.

I know I've written about that feeling before - the longing to experience that certainty again. In the here and now. In the mundane, day in/day out, routine of it all. The present.

An RA shared a quote with me last week.. "today is a gift which is why it's considered the present" or something like that. I've been missing the gift of today.

I am thankful for good friends and good writers who blog more frequently than I and consequently give me something good to read when I am fresh out of words myself. Peter & Beth Smart's simple blog, Organic Fruit, reminded me that to practice the presence of God is enough (thank you, Brother Lawrence, too. His book is next on my "to read" list). Nothing matters as much as this.

And so, I am trying to practice the presence of God... in the present.
While still dreaming about the future and wondering about the past... and seeking answers for all the looming question marks about my near future.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Catching Up

I've almost written a few posts in the last two weeks. I log in several times a week, open a "new post" window, and then somewhere along the way, get distracted and don't end up writing a thing. It is time to catch up!

Life continues to be full. A few student concerns have heightened my awareness of campus activity and emotional stressers. One girl was recently diagnosed with Epilepsy and continues to have multiple seizures in the dorm. Another fell out of bed last night due to a nightmare and broke her arm. Two weeks ago, our campus went on "lock down" and the police showed up with sniper rifles and requested roof access because a former student showed up who had been deemed as 'dangerous.' Yikes.

On a more positive note...

We're at 4 weeks and counting, which means I've almost finished my second school year here at NCU. Tomorrow night, we're having a fondue night for all of next year's student leaders as a way to induct them into their new leadership positions. I hired a dynamo staff of 6, including a Senior RA, which will take on some additional responsibilities. This year's group appropriately named themselves the "Dream Team", and, like any group of stellar people, it will be different to move on and let this year be... this year. I rehired 3 RAs (the other 4 are either getting married or graduating) which speaks volumes about their capacity to do their job well. Way to go, Team!

4 weeks and counting... as with any month that starts with the letter "A", the storm is a brewin.' The winds are starting to pick up this week - with a CPR/First Aid training course and intramurals this evening, the fondue night tomorrow, followed by a Chile Team meeting, etc. I am savoring the placid waters this week, in spite of my evening commitments. Check out/Dead Week/Finals week/and my departure for Chile are quickly approaching and there is no looking back.

We received our plane tickets to Chile today. Unfortunately, do the economy, fundraising has been much slower than in years prior and we still have about $9,000 to raise by the time we depart on May 13th - exactly one month from today. We are continuing to believe God has a purpose for each person on our team and He has provided in the past.

On Saturday, our campus is sponsoring a Homeless Outreach event called the "Touch Project" to touch the people of Eugene. We are excited to offer haircuts, foot washing, clothes, a beautification station, and a big BBQ. A couple students are heading this up and our campus is getting on board. This is going to be awesome!

Yes, life is full, and yes, life is good.
Somehow, everything gets accomplished and I know we'll make it to the summer.
Well, for me, it's 4 weeks till Chile, then summer.

6 1/2 weeks... :)