Friday, October 31, 2008


I wept in chapel today.
Full on wept.

It's been a while since I've cried during worship. Sometimes I cry if I'm upset about something, but it's really been a while since I've wept simply because I'm moved to tears.

So in awe of God.

"Arms high and heart abandoned"
"We're singing for the glory of the risen King"

So mindful of the praise He deserves.
Overcome with emotion by the beautiful sound of student's voices.
I choked back tears and had to stop singing.
I listened.
Warm tears dripped down my cheeks and neck.
Rather than wipe them away, I let them fall.
There was something so freeing about feeling their wetness on my face.

One of my RAs stood next to me and she put her arm on my back. I hugged her close.
And just stood there.

"My God is mighty to save. He is mighty to save."
"My Lord has conquered the grave."


It's 10:19pm on Halloween night, and it's surprisingly quiet.

We hired an extra security guard to be on patrol tonight, and I'm the Administrator On-Call. At our last RA meeting, I used a few minutes to give some refreshers on how to care for people who are intoxicated... just in case.

"If someone tells you about some loud commotion in the Rug Room, how will you respond? What are the visible signs of intoxication? What if someone stumbles past you upstairs, and you're pretty sure they're drunk? How do you care for someone who is throwing up or passed out?"

Regardless of being prepared, I hope it's a quiet night.

We're preparing for the worst and expecting the best. Oh, Lord, please protect my students tonight. Help them to make good decisions.

I spent an hour at the on-campus Halloween Dance Party and was impressed by the costumes.
  • 4 guys dressed like old ladies. I took a picture with one of them and he pinched my cheek.
  • Alvin and the chipmunks
  • Whoopee Cushions (yes, that's plural - there were 2 of them!)
  • Poisen Ivy and Batman
  • Peter Pan and Tinkerbell
  • Pippy Longstocking
  • Killer Panda
I, not expecting to be around tonight, didn't prepare much for an outfit, so I dressed up like a hick and took the easy way out.

Oh, Halloween. It's really just another day...

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Pastor's Heart

I've been so moved by some recent conversations.
The way I've been sought out by students.
The things they share with me...
Things that break my heart and the heart of my Father.

I said a quiet "hello" to a girl at the computer as I walked into the cafeteria. Not seeing her in the Rug Room after I finished eating, I headed back to my apartment. She called my name and came over to me, shyly stating her need to talk.

She walked in and I made some small talk, trying to put her at ease. It worked, because the next thing I knew, tears were streaming down her face as she began to share. It's as if she was holding gauze tightly around some deep wounds, and picking up the corner just enough to let things ooze out. She's hurting and wants to be healed. A lot just happened.

She compromised her standards with a guy she thought she knew. Come to find out, he's not a Christian. She's confused.
She overdrew her bank account and has racked up $1000 worth of charges.
Her parents have been through multiple divorces and recently relocated.
Their job is unstable and they are struggling financially.
Roommate issues.

Someone else sought me out after an Intramural Volleyball game. We stood in the foyer for a long period of time. I listened, validated his concerns and frustrations, did my best to offer some advice and tips and told him I'd be praying.

I really connected with both of these people. We had a heart-to-heart. Our conversations broke through the surface and went deep.
I know I spoke Truth to them.
I got to love them by listening.

Pastor Steve commented on my "pastor's heart" today... for the umpteenth time. He's been calling me a minister ever since my interview a year ago.

I am more sure than ever that I want to pursue Seminary.
I don't know how, I don't know when, but it's in the works.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Nine Minutes

I got ready in 9 minutes this morning.

In the process of hitting snooze on my cell phone, I set my phone under my pillow which muffled all subsequent alarms.

So, at 8:51 am, I bolted upright and made it to the office just in time for my 9am meeting. I even got a comment how cute I look today. (I think it's completely unwarranted, but I'll take it!)

It's amazing what a skirt and headband can do in a jiffy!

Thursday, October 23, 2008


I received two awards last week - both unexpected and within days of each other.
  • a guitar pick with the inscription "President's Pick" from the NCU President, with a hand-written note of encouragement. Thanks, President Wilson!
  • a "Beacon High 5" - a poster with notes of appreciation from each member of the NCU Admissions/Enrollment team
Recognition feels good, doesn't it?
These awards challenge me to do a better job of acknowledging the people I get to work with.

I remember being a senior at Fox and feeling so compelled to say "thank you" before I left. I thumbed through the Bruin and wrote down names of those who had either impacted me personally or in anyway I'd observed them express kindness to someone else. I never made it through my list (I came up with 50+ people!), but the the philosophy remains.

Most people really don't know they're doing a good job unless someone tells them they are.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

happy one year to me!

October 15th marks my ONE YEAR anniversary of being the ARC at NCU.

Nothing could have prepared me for the emotions I've experienced over the last 12 months.
I've felt many things - some of them brand new and foreign while others are more familiar.

broken (at my wits end, crying out for help)
confident (being with words)
quiet (being without words)
bold (speaking Truth)
angry (being wronged, seeing others be wronged, etc)
disrespected (I'd rather not talk about it)
peaceful (surrendering control to God)
weary (it's been so... hard.)
satisfied (sometimes, things feel like they are in place)
repentant (I've messed up a lot)
shaker (shaking things up in the Res Life realm)
seeking (more of the Holy Spirit)
downtrodden (wrapped up in all the 'downs' of the year)
desirable (sounds weird, but it's true... someone wants to be with me, and it feels SO good!)

This year is already different than last.
You know what I can give and you know what I need.
I'm glad you understand each of my feelings.

(More to come, soon.)