Saturday, March 17, 2007

To Match My Mood...

elizabeth 023
Originally uploaded by Elizabeth in Bolivia.
I`m feeling a little gray, today... the weather matches my mood. Yesterday, I left La Casa de Esperanza early because I wasn`t feeling well. I traveled home by myself (it`s empowering to flag down a bus and know my way around the city) and laid in bed for 6 hours. I hardly slept, and my mind drifted from various thoughts. Some happy, some confusing, some frustrated. Erica and Jenna trudged through the incredible hail and rain to deliver 3 hand-written letters to me. God`s timing is so impeccable.

It is quite an experience to be sick in Bolivia. My B-family was sooo concerned that I wasn`t feeling well. They respected my need to rest, and also brought me dinner-in-bed (a bowl of delicious chicken/potato soup) and several cups of tea. When I told them I wanted to walk to Cara`s house for movie night, they almost didn`t let me go. I`m pretty sure Patricia called the doctor to ask about my sore throat... I insisted that my jacket was dry to wear, but she didn`t believe me, so she gave me hers - giant, bulky, and tan... and incredibly warm. I zipped it up to my chin and then she proceeded to button the bottom two buttons. Then Shirley wrapped a scarf around my neck the `proper` way, because apparantly I still had too much of my throat exposed when I did it. Felix watched me put on my gloves, fleece hat, and boots to make sure I was completely covered. Then, when I was finally all bundled up, they sat me down to drink a mug of hot tea with lemon. Since my real family couldn`t be there to dote on me, I was thankful for the special treatment, even though I looked ridiculous. I was sweating by the time I walked one block to Cara`s house. (Quite possibly the only time I`ve ever sweat since being here.)

I spent the morning in La Paz taking Tango dance lessons, which cost less than a dollar for 2 hours. It was a wonderful experience, and now I`m craving a quiet evening to myself. I`m going to opt out of the Bible Study at my house and have some quiet time of my own... in English. Last week I was frustrated at my inability to participate fully beyond the singing of songs.

I tried the `wonderful` invention of Skype and got to talk to Chrislyn for 5 minutes, and then my microphone stopped working. I cried in the internet cafe, silently wiping my tears. I adjusted all the computer settings to allow me to talk some more, but to no avail. I`m craving a long conversation from home where I can hear familiar voices.

One month down... I`m used to returning home after being gone for a month, so it`s a strange feeling to not be packing my bags right now and anticipating some `welcome home hugs.` Three to go...

The same two little boys approached me in the Internet Cafe, tapping me on the shoulder saying ¨Seniora.¨ I felt completely helpless because I didn´t know what I could do for them at that point. I prayed I would see them when I finished my time on e-mail, so I could buy them something at the store. My eyes darted up and down the streets, but they were nowhere to be found. I wonder if I portrayed Jesus to them... ??? I didn´t do anything but smile and look confused. Last week at Bible study, we talked about the cost of obedience, and I wonder if I was obedient.

I think I`m feeling extra emotional because I´m sick and frustrated that my phone date with mom and dad didn´t include the phone because it stopped working.

Jesus, please encourage me tonight with some solid time with you... where I can cry and not feel like I have to wipe away my tears, where I can ask ¨why?¨ and be content without answers, where I can be silent and listen for your voice.


chrislyn said...

it was the best five minutes of my day!

oregon mom said...

I am so glad you are living with such a caring family! It is clear that mothers around the world want to care for their sick children. :)

I am certain those little boys saw Jesus in your eyes, even if your words were unclear. I am praying you get more opportunites to love them.

Love and prayers always,

Anonymous said...

Beautiful Elizabeth... it makes me sad to read this blog yet I know it's what you are truly feeling. I don't know if you have this song available to you but I would encourage you to listen to "If you want me too" by Ginny Owens. This song was playing during my quiet time today and for some reason it really spoke to my heart..... I love you El! ~Violet

Jessi said...

I love you!

A treat might be coming your way. :)