In the Present

I remember feeling confident.
I was exactly where God wanted me to be.
I was sure of it.
I was sure because I was full.
I was broken.
I was aching.
I was filled with hope.
I was seeking.
I was growing.
I felt so in tune with God's heart for His children.
I was experiencing the Father-love of God, first-hand.

I wasn't sitting in church services wondering when the Word would speak to me again.
I wasn't playing the role of a messenger, turning messages from the pulpit into "things that are good for you to hear."
What I studied and learned and wrestled with wasn't for anyone else but for me.
It spoke to me.
Personally.
Intimately.

Everyday for 4 months.
No questions asked. In regards to "what's next?" that is.
It's not like I knew. Or had any inklings. And it was okay.
I remember lingering in those moments.
Drinking up the moments.
Satisfied with where I was.
Savoring life.
Caught off guard by how peaceful I was.
As painful and devastating as it was.

So why can't I be in that place again?
Resting.
Resting in absolute assurance.
Confident.
Confident of the present.
Okay.
Completely okay with the unknown future.

Could Bolivia spill over into a lifetime?
Or at least into now?
Right now.

I know.
God isn't a God of confusion.
God's will isn't mysterious.
Psalm 37:4
Trust.
Be.
Ask.
Seek.
He has my best interests in mind.
I know.

These are the Truths
I keep passing on.