Monday, December 8, 2008

In the Present

I remember feeling confident.
I was exactly where God wanted me to be.
I was sure of it.
I was sure because I was full.
I was broken.
I was aching.
I was filled with hope.
I was seeking.
I was growing.
I felt so in tune with God's heart for His children.
I was experiencing the Father-love of God, first-hand.

I wasn't sitting in church services wondering when the Word would speak to me again.
I wasn't playing the role of a messenger, turning messages from the pulpit into "things that are good for you to hear."
What I studied and learned and wrestled with wasn't for anyone else but for me.
It spoke to me.

Everyday for 4 months.
No questions asked. In regards to "what's next?" that is.
It's not like I knew. Or had any inklings. And it was okay.
I remember lingering in those moments.
Drinking up the moments.
Satisfied with where I was.
Savoring life.
Caught off guard by how peaceful I was.
As painful and devastating as it was.

So why can't I be in that place again?
Resting in absolute assurance.
Confident of the present.
Completely okay with the unknown future.

Could Bolivia spill over into a lifetime?
Or at least into now?
Right now.

I know.
God isn't a God of confusion.
God's will isn't mysterious.
Psalm 37:4
He has my best interests in mind.
I know.
These are the Truths
I keep passing on.


Nicole said...

Thanks, El. You have such wisdom. Thank you for sharing it. But it makes me miss you even more. See you soon!!

Sarah said...

This is a beautiful posting, El, to which so many of us can relate. Keep seeking and resting, my friend.